Thoughts on being 24

I just turned 24 yesterday so perhaps this should be thoughts on not being 23 anymore. 

I've always felt like I was growing up too fast, being with people 2 years older than me most of my life. It never dawned on me how much of an impact this had on my life. Being 23 felt like going through a roller coaster of everything. One moment, it all seems like you have your life figured out and the next it's as if you don't know anything anymore. 

You will lose a lot of people you were close with, it's inevitable. Maybe your values don't match or maybe you just don't feel like certain people are needed/wanted in your life anymore and it doesn't bother you anymore. Sure, you see them on Facebook getting on with their lives and you feel content knowing they are doing good but you don't feel the need to actively participate in their life. You're an onlooker and it doesn't affect your life anymore. 

You will gain a few new friendships. It's slightly harder to make friends as you get older because you realize the value of developing and nurturing friendships and sometimes you just don't have the time or energy or will to start a fresh foundation. You might still find people who click and makes it easier to include then in your life. 

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You will realize that people can't be there for you all the time. That thought will first haunt you, then make you feel miserable but you will understand it when a friend asks you to accompany them somewhere but you can't because you have work and despite all that sayings that talk about how you should take time off to be with people who matter, you won't do it; and for a couple minutes you will feel bad but you'll realize there will be times other people will do that for you and that friendships are not always about sacrifices. You won't feel disappointed when people can't make it there for you sometimes because later they will surprise you by being there when you need them the most and you'll do the same. 

You will still carry regrets of everything you did in the past and I wish I could tell you it will be easier; it won't. On the bright side, you will be cautious. You will give people second chances because you'll no longer believe that people are only good or evil. 

You will learn to take more chances. You will take risks and you will be more open to things and people. You will also be more cynical and think a lot of negative thoughts about people's intentions and the world. You will find yourself hating on things just because other people do, but you'll also find yourself standing up for things you believe in. You'll learn to deal with bullshit by showing absolutely no grace. You will yell and fight for the right things.

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You will look at love either as something so far away, or something that hurts a lot. Or maybe somewhere in between. Everyone you know may look like they have it all figured out but you know that's not true. You will try to find less faults in people because you will realize the version of your future spouse for your 13 year old is not the same person you will think of now. You will laugh at how silly your 13 year old self was. You will start to accept that people you love has their own loves and it won't bother you anymore because you yourself has songs that remind you of past loves. 

You will value family but start to realize that they are not what your 8 year old self thought they were. You will realize they are also human and that they have their past regrets and mistakes and they were shaped by their generation and there will be things you don't like about them but at the end of the day those will the learning goals for you. You will start to accept them with faults, not as perfect human beings who will do no wrong. 

and lastly, you will think of yourself a lot more. You will try to always look out for you. You will learn to forgive for what and who you've been. You'll prioritize yourself gracefully and matter of factly and you won't feel sorry for it anymore. You'll learn how important self love is. 

Being 23 was not an easy feat but once you're 24, you'll realize, it's just one more year gone by. You will stop counting things in terms of years but in terms of how it made you feel and how you grew as a person. You'll learn to appreciate everything more. 

Here's to being another year older and hopefully wiser. 24, bring it on. I'm ready and I have all the fire I need.