On Nice-ness

I consider myself a generally nice person. Not because I have an obligation to be nice, but I like being nice, it's become so much habit than anything else at this point. Of course, I have my moments, where I am not at all nice, everyone has a tipping point, a point where they just feel so frustrated and hence, nice is the last thing that they are. 

It's all part of this being human thing. I tell myself that I don't expect people to be nice to me just because I am to them, but in reality I do, because if I didn't, today wouldn't be so sad. So, something horrible happened and now I'm rethinking on my choices (I know, I am so vague here. I don't want to emphasis on what happened, but more on my reaction and I sort of need to write this down because it is bugging me a lot). So many times I have been let down by so many people I love. 

My friends, ah friends. I have some of the best people but so often even when I am with them, I feel so alone. Like I don't belong. I don't think I even belong in this century, haha. So many times I've been so disappointed, I almost get to that tipping point, but never have I ever created any drama. So many times I am in dark, and I've come to accept that maybe that's just the way things are, and that if I continue being me, being nice things will get better. 

Other people. People disappoint. They do so many terrible things. They don't understand. But people are also good. Man is kind, nice and great. Most of the time, it's not even their fault. Situations happen and there really isn't much they can do. I forgive, I try not to forget (but because i have terrible memory I often forget) and honestly, I'm just really disappointed. 

But I'm not going to let that affect me much. I think I have a little bit of an idea why people turn to the dark now. I will continue to be me, and this is just a little down that I have to get up from. I just wish that people were there for me without me asking them to be. I guess that is too much to ask for. 

Have a good day readers, and I hope that things are better at your end. I'm sorry if this post doesn't make any sense or if it's too sad. Sometimes the clouds cover the sun and everything seems grey for a moment. This is one of those times.