Thursday, March 13, 2014

Birthday Blues

I am 28. It actually feels a lot different than yesterday. I am sad, even melancholy of some sort. I’m sitting at the office. I have been changed from my usual spot to a spot at the back. Everything looks different from here. I don’t hate it though, I’ll probably grow to like it. I already have my day planned. After office, I am going back home, and doing what I do every day; watch an episode of 24, an episode of Lost and go through some more instagram pictures, maybe read a book. It saddens me that I’m doing this today but at the same time it reassures me because of the consistency.

Last night I told myself that this year I’m gonna be more honest, especially with myself and Hannah. I know I’m being dishonest by keeping Hannah from so many things about her friends. But I don’t know. I am afraid what Hannah might think again. That she might not understand. It took all I had last year to tell Hannah about George and she was not happy. I know, it is for her own good, but I am already too tangled up in her life.
I got a message today from the office about the promotion. I am very excited for this. It’s another happy news today. I’ve been looking forward to this for some time, I called the girls and I even talked to Yule about it. Mom and Dad are super happy and they got me tickets to see a Hindi movie I've been meaning to go watch. I don’t know what I did to deserve such good parents.

Mom even gave me a present. Five book, she knows I’ll love and read them and I do. I never know whether to be real or not. Like yesterday everyone at gym was saying how I should give them all treats and when I told them today that I’d like to, they are indifferent. I guess it’s because I am being nice to them. I can’t help it, but I feel like I have to. I don’t know who I am any longer, or maybe my current self is contradicting with my old. .

Some guy from the other party texted about another party. I ask Alex and he suggests going. I tell him yes, even though I still have not decided whether I would or not.  Everybody I meet keeps asking me what plans I have for the day; the only year when I do not have any plans. There is something which could rescue me from that, a party. I want to join, but not if my friends are not joining. I tried to blend in in the last one and even though I knew most people, I couldn’t. I can’t do it this time. I don’t have all that strength.
Maybe it’s all the sadness talking. I need to cheer myself up. For now, I’m waiting for the clock to tick four, and I’ll be on my way home.

Alex and Susie drop by with cake, just like how Ryan, Edith and Alex went around on my birthday last year too. It was a much happier day then. Everything today is just a mess. Dan came with his girlfriend and we all eat cotton candy and the cake that Alex brought and laugh at our own jokes. It’s the most fun I’ve had all day. I’m glad for these guys. Later, Dan and his girl has to go and we are joined by Tiffany whom I’ve grown to like overtime.

It was a beautiful year and I’m happy for myself. I still have a long way to go, but I’m proud of myself and I won’t beat myself up.  I also accidentally deleted all the songs I’ve been working hard all these days to collect. Self-note: Do not shift delete. Always use the recycle bin. 


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