Being Me

image from escapedemotions, DA.

The story of how I started blogging, is most like the story of how I do most things. I like trying new things. I do. Whenever I get something new, I would spend hours, days, weeks, analyzing it, finding out new ways to use it, etc. I am a very experimental person.

Just like that, in the very beginning of 2007, I saw Lilly’s blog then, and a part of me wanted so bad to have my own little pretty blog too. So, I started one. Back then, I blogged as hansikagirl, this pseudonym that I called myself because I was obsessed with her , I still am a fan of her. I used to exactly copy how others blogged then, but soon I realized that it wasn’t me. I couldn’t me myself and be a copy of someone else. So, I started differentiating the blog, adding things that defined me, and making it more like me. Somehow, it wasn't working. I was getting tired of Hansikagirl, so I decided it was time for a new change. A change that I would let define me, not as someone obsessed over a Hindi movie star, which was a phase of my life. I wanted to be known as something that I would be comfortable with at all stages of my life, so I chose diarygirl. It’s a cheesy name, I agree but I love it. I don’t care what people think about the name, and I am glad to be known as it.

I wanted to keep my old blog, but keeping it was making it hard to adapt to the new blog, so I saved all the blog posts, comments, everything into a folder, and deleted the blog. Sometimes I still go to that folder, and read what I wrote back then, it’s good to do so. It is like looking back at my past, my regrets, my fears and knowing that I’m stronger now, better now and myself now.

I have been blogging since then, and I am very much addicted to it, but there are some things that I don’t talk about, like religion and some of politics. Even though this is my blog, people read it, and judge me based on it. So, I don’t want other people to come between my faith, and the relationship with Allah. I am proud of my religion, and thankful to my parents and to where I was born, because I am free to be a Muslim. I know where I stand. I don’t use Islam as an excuse, and no matter what people say or do, is gonna change anything. I am true to myself, to Allah, and to my religion. That’s what matters to me.

Then soon after I started a fashion blog. That was after I researched and thought really hard for days and months about what career I want to choose. It took me lots of thinking about the choices and about my life, but in the end I decided I want to have my own fashion line. This blog is something that would help me, to reach that dream. It took a lot of strength to take daily outfit pictures and post it to where everyone can see and judge me, but I am glad I did. It makes me feel strong to know that I can handle what people say, and still not let that get to me.

I am also someone who is so much into order and routine and organization, so I knew I had to have craft blog because it was another part of me. I am a creative person, and I make stuff. I wanted it to be somewhere I can post what I create, because I’m proud of what I do, and also talk about making things for people, gifts with love and thought in it, rather than buying stuff. I support handmade goods, and I would rather receive something handmade than some expensive store bought thing.

Soon, I got a job that I have always wanted to do, be a show host, and it led me to have a movie blog. I watch a lot of movies, good bad, ugly blah blah. So, it started as my own place where I can keep a record of the movies I watched and what I thought about it, so that I can check back later and think about what I was feeling then.

These four blogs have now become part of me, how I define myself. My personal blog is me, where I am fully me, and I write about my daily life, like a virtual diary. I look back into my old posts and see how I have adapted as a person, and cherish back those memories. My fashion blog is my passion, what I want to be. It’s a huge part of my life, as it’s what I want my future to be. Then is my craft blog, which is also another little part to me, that I’m glad I have. Even though I started the movie blog as part of the need due to my job, through it I still feel being in the job, and it’s been a guilty pleasure of mine. I am thinking of having two more blogs, but that’s just a plan.

So, that’s the story about blogging, and about me. I know no matter what I say or do, some people won’t like me with or without a reason, and I won’t try to please everyone. I respect everyone who reads the blog, and have an opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own, but there is a fine line between criticizing or giving feedback and being plain rude. I am who I am, and this is my blog.