Knowledge

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As they say, knowledge is power. Being a second year undergrad I feel pressured to know things, things around me. History, Geography, Science are only few of the things. At times I feel ashamed that my General Knowledge level is as low of a 10th grader. Maybe it’s how we have been brought up, but I don’t solely blame on the system.

As people, we need to understand life, the past and generally a bit of everything. I do like to know. In fact I am very much interested in Literature, specially works of Shakespeare, and Jane Austen, History (Specially Roman History) and languages.All through CHSE I read a few works of Shakespeare, and two of Austen’s novels. But that is not enough. We need to be able to talk properly when faces with difficult situations. We need to understand people and why they do what they do.

I sometimes contradict myself because I find these things fascinating yet I never really do anything to learn it. People think that those who get good marks are smart, but the truth is far from that. Me, for instance, I do get good marks, but most of the time I hardly remember what I studied, and there are many smarter and wise people even in my class. I’m just really good at reading things last minute and writing it down in the exam the next day.

Sometimes I feel guilty. I feel that I don’t deserve the marks. In the end, I tell myself that I am just too good at procrastinating and that helps me sleep at night. I am not writing this to get more compliments, or for sympathy. I needed to write it out, because I need a reminder to actually learn, not just for the marks or the grade.

All my life, I’ve been thought and I have been trying for more marks. More academic bling. I participated in every single thing is school because it would look good on my leaving certificate. But the funny thing is, despite all of it, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed participating in things getting to know people, cramming at the last minute, writing exams, and most importantly, I enjoyed my school life.

But at this point in my life, I don’t want to just enjoy it I want to experience learning as a never-ending process. I want to fall in love with books, art and science. I want to look at things and appreciate the beauty in them. I want to be lost. Lost in a world full of knowledge.

Confusion is my middle name.

*sigh*