The following is a guest post by my very awesome friend Shaam-pot. He's really fun and he likes almost the same stuff I do, so you'll get along well with him.
I’m Shaam, as Shaha has introduced me. I’m sure you have heard a lot of good things about me… all of which is true. (Yes, modesty has never been my strongest suit, I guess. Haha!)
Anyway, I’m sorry I’m about to make the cheery, love-able and wonderful blog that is Diary Girl, a bit dark and somber. But I feel like I should talk about this now, because this may be a good time as any, to talk about it.
What is the only thing we are definitely sure of in our lives? What is that incomprehensible, unavoidable, inevitable denominator in every living thing in this world? For some, it may very well be obvious. For others, it may take a few seconds or even minutes to register what it is.
Still not sure of what it is?
It’s the fact that we will all die; everything living has an expiration date. I don’t blame the people who didn't get what it was as promptly as others, because I was one of those people too. The fact that I will die has been shoved so back in my mind that I often pretend like it won’t happen to me. Sometimes, we often think of death in a third person perspective – like it won’t ever happen to us. Sure, we say that we all will die, but deep inside, you don’t believe it would happen to you.
Why is it though? Why do we do our best to push it to the back of our minds, and pretend like it isn't there? And if you somehow come across the thought of you dying, why do you do your best to not think about it? Why are we so afraid of death?
Is it because you are unsure of what lies ahead, despite your religious and spiritual beliefs? Is it because death could be painful? Or is it because you have so much to lose?
I don’t know about you, but often, I lie awake in my bed at night, just before I fall asleep and think about where my life is going; and this one time, I lay awake for about an hour or so, thinking about my whole life, and what it has meant so far. I thought about all of the people I have met, the things I have done, the things I failed to do, and the people I have pushed away from my life. Mind you, those days were kind of hard for me, so all the good, the bad and the really bad came flooding like the crashing of a dam. While the memories flooded my brain one by one like some sort of sordid slide show, it then concluded to a question; a single question which made me shudder;
Will I be remembered?
Have I made a lasting impression on anyone in my life? What will I leave behind in this world when I die?
At that moment, I couldn't help but feel a sense of urgency in myself. I began making amendments in my life the next day; talking to that ex-girlfriend who I stopped talking to, apologizing to a friend I've abandoned over some silly misunderstanding, and other things (I can’t write them on here. Sorry).
Thinking back to that day, I wonder why the question of me being remembered was so profound. I now realize that it is because I had so much to lose, because I have not given any of myself away, if that makes any sense. My mind, body and soul were never shared with anyone in any meaningful way, that I was scared I would die before I got to do that.
I’m not speaking of love. I’m speaking in a broader sense, of offering myself to the universe and being one with it. Making sure I’m not just a passer-by. I need to make it meaningful – every moment, every breath. I for sure, do not want to be forgotten when I die.
But then again, it is so hard to make everything meaningful in life. It gets tiring and exhausting to be in a constant state of appreciation, doesn't it? Because let’s face it, life is not always an enjoyable ride. The heartbreaks, the failures, the loss often take a toll on you, doesn't it?
Which is why we need to take that thought of death, from the back of our minds; we need to rummage behind those figurative shelves of memories, and take that thought out, dust it off, and place it somewhere we can reach it. Because, I believe thinking about death shouldn't always a somber affair. It can be a reality check, which brings your life into perspective. Because when you think about your death, you begin to see the larger, broader picture of your life, and begin to see what is really important. You realize your time is limited, and the limited time you have should not be wasted on momentary bumps along the ride. And when you see that end of the ride, you want to make everything right before you leave.
I sound like I have found the meaning of life, don’t I? But to tell you the truth, I am nowhere near finding it, and I don’t think I will find it anywhere near in time. I constantly forget about death, and neglect my life in more ways than one. I suppose we all struggle to find the answers to the crucial questions; what is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What am I supposed to do? And I think our lives are a constant journey to find the answers to those questions.
I think each individual’s meaning of their life is different from the other. It all depends on what we do with our lives, I guess. But one thing is certain in life, perhaps a little more so than our death;
We all want meaning.